11/03/2020 07:30 p.m.
There have many moments where I opened up a blank draft, wanting to sound out my thoughts because just sometimes, the world is too noisy and there is just no space for me, my voice, and my opinions. But, that's alright. It really does not matter, but when things start to get suffocating and I feel like the entire world is against me and I feel like I am alone in this fight. I get restless and uncertain.
In a blink of an eye, I am reaching the end of a semester, so many things happened and I met so many people. My life has not yet changed drastically but, it has definitely become more eventful. With AIESEC, I have met so many people from around the world and I have had the chance to speak to Youths from other countries like Japan, Indonesia, the Philippines, and Vietnam.
"The world is so small" is always a statement that is in synchronous with the growth of technology. But I really felt the end of the spectrum only now. I have been talking and connecting with people from Vietnam, from Vietnam, from Indonesia, and from the Philippines. I can proudly say that I have friends beyond Singapore now. Other than getting to know their everyday lives, we talk about dreams and aspirations. It is extremely heartwarming to hear from them and their stories. Hearing from what they have to say and the impact that they want to leave on this world that we all live in, I, too, ought to do better than whatever I am doing. No, this is not a competition, but I feel that we are all motivating each other to become a better person and to change the world in our own little ways.
I decided to run for LCVP for oGX in AIESEC in SMU, there are many reasons why I decided to do so, but mostly so driven by the potential that I see in AIESEC. AIESEC makes me want to do better and most importantly, be better. I submitted my package just 2 days ago and I will be having my interview and elections this coming Thursday. I am scared but I am not going to let that affect how I carry myself and how I want others to see me and view me.
Amidst all of these, I had a chat with the Founder of an enterprise I am volunteering in currently. He is one rare human, I must say. He made me feel both hopeful and hopeless at the same time. He shared with me some troubles that the enterprise has and how they are really restricting so many more things he can do and so much more impact he can bring about, beyond Singapore, specifically with regards to the sex workers overseas, in Indonesia. For the longest of time, social issues overseas are issues that I discuss so much with my peers and friends all the time but it has always been the case where we can only talk about them, but not do anything about them because it is always "not within our capacity to do anything about them". However, talking to him and hearing about what he intends to do for them genuinely shocked me because he really just gave me a tight slap out of my disillusioned self, popped my bubble, and woke me up. "I can never take cannot for an answer when nothing is being done. I will need to do it and see before seeing whether I can or cannot myself."
When they said everyone has the potential to be a hero/shero, they weren't kidding about it. I feel empowered and powerful on a very personal level. I feel that the weight of the world is on me. But I don't think I am the only one who is feeling this way. In fact, I hope that more people can feel that way because everyone has the potential to lift people up, really.
But this dug up a lot of concerns and worries and there are many things that are on my mind right now. I feel uncertain and distraught. But I feel even more uncomfortable thinking this way because does it even make any sense for me to feel this way? Isn't this what I have always been wanting to work towards? Then why am I having so many second thoughts about this? I haven't been talking to anyone really for the past week or so, and I think I am just drowning myself in my own thoughts. I feel like talking to someone just to hear what they have to say, from an objective point of view, when my semester ends, I will do just that, but for now, I know I need to focus right now and do what I need to do first because I am responsible for my actions and I need to be liable for them right now.
