Just felt like typing

11/03/2020 07:30 p.m.

There have many moments where I opened up a blank draft, wanting to sound out my thoughts because just sometimes, the world is too noisy and there is just no space for me, my voice, and my opinions. But, that's alright. It really does not matter, but when things start to get suffocating and I feel like the entire world is against me and I feel like I am alone in this fight. I get restless and uncertain. 

In a blink of an eye, I am reaching the end of a semester, so many things happened and I met so many people. My life has not yet changed drastically but, it has definitely become more eventful. With AIESEC, I have met so many people from around the world and I have had the chance to speak to Youths from other countries like Japan, Indonesia, the Philippines, and Vietnam. 

"The world is so small" is always a statement that is in synchronous with the growth of technology. But I really felt the end of the spectrum only now. I have been talking and connecting with people from Vietnam, from Vietnam, from Indonesia, and from the Philippines. I can proudly say that I have friends beyond Singapore now. Other than getting to know their everyday lives, we talk about dreams and aspirations. It is extremely heartwarming to hear from them and their stories. Hearing from what they have to say and the impact that they want to leave on this world that we all live in, I, too, ought to do better than whatever I am doing. No, this is not a competition, but I feel that we are all motivating each other to become a better person and to change the world in our own little ways. 

I decided to run for LCVP for oGX in AIESEC in SMU, there are many reasons why I decided to do so, but mostly so driven by the potential that I see in AIESEC. AIESEC makes me want to do better and most importantly, be better. I submitted my package just 2 days ago and I will be having my interview and elections this coming Thursday. I am scared but I am not going to let that affect how I carry myself and how I want others to see me and view me. 

Amidst all of these, I had a chat with the Founder of an enterprise I am volunteering in currently. He is one rare human, I must say. He made me feel both hopeful and hopeless at the same time. He shared with me some troubles that the enterprise has and how they are really restricting so many more things he can do and so much more impact he can bring about, beyond Singapore, specifically with regards to the sex workers overseas, in Indonesia. For the longest of time, social issues overseas are issues that I discuss so much with my peers and friends all the time but it has always been the case where we can only talk about them, but not do anything about them because it is always "not within our capacity to do anything about them". However, talking to him and hearing about what he intends to do for them genuinely shocked me because he really just gave me a tight slap out of my disillusioned self, popped my bubble, and woke me up. "I can never take cannot for an answer when nothing is being done. I will need to do it and see before seeing whether I can or cannot myself." 

When they said everyone has the potential to be a hero/shero, they weren't kidding about it. I feel empowered and powerful on a very personal level. I feel that the weight of the world is on me. But I don't think I am the only one who is feeling this way. In fact, I hope that more people can feel that way because everyone has the potential to lift people up, really. 

But this dug up a lot of concerns and worries and there are many things that are on my mind right now. I feel uncertain and distraught. But I feel even more uncomfortable thinking this way because does it even make any sense for me to feel this way? Isn't this what I have always been wanting to work towards? Then why am I having so many second thoughts about this? I haven't been talking to anyone really for the past week or so, and I think I am just drowning myself in my own thoughts. I feel like talking to someone just to hear what they have to say, from an objective point of view, when my semester ends, I will do just that, but for now, I know I need to focus right now and do what I need to do first because I am responsible for my actions and I need to be liable for them right now. 

Who is to blame?

 09/06/2020 07:07 p.m.

Yes, our education system is tough. You will realize it sooner or later that the pressure, the stress, and everything in between is as tough as it sounds like. But I will want to urge you to think in a different way, try to maximize and make the best out of the situation that you are in currently, or will be in in years to come. Learn with a purpose, learn because you want to learn more but not because you want to do well in examinations, learn because you are curious and you are dying to know all these wonderous phenomenons that are happening all around you and all around the world.

Having gone through the Singapore's education system for 12 years straight, if you want me to remember every single fact or theory that I had learned, it will be tough for me to regurgitate everything out. But that is neither a concern nor the main point, the skills that I have learned that is truly rooted deep within me is the myriad ways of thinking and the kaleidoscope of perspectives that we can choose to take to solve problems or to make big and important decisions. 

I would consider it a failure for the education system if I hear that one, as young as 10 years old is studying and learning about Science just so that he/she can do well in the school papers. That is just pathetic and I just wonder where is the fun in all of it. I remember vividly that in my Science lessons back in my Primary School, we had so many Science projects and we adopted the Scientific way of thinking and looking at conclusions and outcomes. I just hope that our future generations will focus more on that instead. I hope that they don't lose the joy of learning new things, discovering new things and applying what they have learnt in school to real-life contexts and situations. 

I have been saying how the education system needs to change, but does it really need to change? Or is the way people are talking about it needs to change? Or, how people are viewing it that needs to change? 

It is what it is.

07/10/2020 10:25 a.m.

I think at this time and age, people are slowly becoming increasingly disenchanted by humanity. At the end of the day, we can all be sharing and talking about the worldly issues that are happening all around the globe but you question the act of slacktivism. It is, in fact, a new word to me as I am typing this down. I was trying to find a word for it and I chanced upon this term. 

"The United Nations defines slacktivism as when people 'support a cause by performing simple measures' but are not necessarily 'engaged or devoted to making a change.' Other frequently used terms are ‘clicktivism’ or ‘arm-chair activism’. 

Basically, slacktivism is a way to voice your opinion about a certain cause without taking to the streets or risking your neck. It’s the viral hashtag you’re retweeting. The pink ribbon on your shirt. The rainbow-coloured frame on your Facebook picture. The ‘Save The Turtles’-petition you signed last week." (Citizen Lab, 2020)

Activism should take time and effort. 

When the Black Lives Matter movement started, it struck a chord in my heart. I knew and I was aware of the prejudice and discrimination the Black people in America endured throughout the years and I educated myself even more after the movement took off. I learned more about slave traders and systemic racism, which were topics that I was unfamiliar with. I played my part, I shared, I liked and I strike conversations up with the people around me to raise awareness and to really at the end of the day, motivating others to educate and learn more about the entire issue. But I question myself deeply am I doing enough?

Am I doing enough? The next question is what more can I do. It gets a bit brain-wrecking because there is just so much I can do, being in a position like that. A small-town girl in Singapore. Slacktivism. 

"We know that our Facebook like won’t actually feed a hungry child. And that chronic diseases don’t take into account how many viral hashtags condemn their existence. In the end, we still have to put our money where our mouth is." (Citizen Lab, 2020)

I think at the end of the day, on a more personal level, one needs to be actively educating oneself of all the issues and learn to empathize. Taking the initiative to do so is a win for humanity and for all of us in the long run. Learn how to empathize, practise being empathetic and make the effort to be empathetic. Empathy can be inculcated and it can be learned. It will be good and beneficial for all of us earthlings at the end of the world.  

In my entire lifetime, I was and I still am deeply concerned about some major issues that I find myself always gravitating back towards at random points in my life. As I grow older, I have more autonomy and freedom to really fight for what I think is right and fight by taking action. Taking action is really partaking and contributing to the systems which are driving certain changes in the right direction in these realms. Hence, straightforwardly, the next question I should be asking myself is how to take action? Because clearly, actions speak so much louder than words. 

There is so much in the world to fight for and words are so damn easy to say. I just turned 19, and my average life expectancy is 83.99 years (2020). I have 64.99 years to bring about changes that matter to me and to the world. If I were to put things into perspective, changes take a lot of time and effort, especially when mindsets and attitudes are involved. When I die, I want to see change, I want to be pioneering these changes and take things into my own hand. If not now, then when. I am scared of doing certain things and joining certain movements abroad, but I think what I really need to straighten out within me, to what extent am I able to push myself to, to bring about the changes that matter to me. 

L’Oréal Brandstorm 2020

06/25/2020 02:47 p.m.

This year's theme for L’Oréal Brandstorm 2020 is to build a plastic-less future in the beauty industry. I tuned into the L’Oréal Brandstorm 2020 finals live stream. I was so happy when I heard Nicolas Hieronimus, the Deputy Chief Executive Officer, in charge of Divisions say that leaders like L’Oréal have a part to play to transform the world. Beauty is able to transform the world and it has to start somewhere. 

It was extremely exciting to hear from all the finalists share their ideas and their visions of a plastic-less future for L’Oréal. Using new and advanced technology to reduce L’Oréal usage of plastic and to effectively tackle other issues such as the massive waste production of orange peels from orange juice companies. Alternative resources are used and sourced to replace the use of plastic such as biodegradable carbon boxes, rice paper sachets, brown algae and seaweed.

Listening to them really got me thinking about all the unchartered waters and unexplored territories that are out there. Suddenly, being crazy doesn't seem that crazy anymore. In fact, being crazy is the new norm. Sustainability is receiving a lot of attention and I love how times are changing. If I were to imagine more and more leaders choosing to prioritise sustainability, diversity and ethics, the world will be really changing things up for good. 

I am hopeful for the future. And I am glad that I am hopeful. 

Cheers to hope, peace and love. 

Settle down

05/23/2020 09:23 p.m.

I finally settled my heart down. And by that, what I mean is that I stopped thinking about all the unforeseeable things that might happen to me in the future. Ironic because you technically cannot predict what you cannot predict. But that is exactly what we are capable of, isn't it? A brilliant mind to think about all sorts of "pathways" that we could choose to take in our entire lifetime.

Thinking is good. Not overthinking though. 

This brings me back to settling down. Fortunately, I am no longer overthinking these few weeks. I am pretty sure that it will come back and haunt me. But, I have learnt to commend myself for even the smallest achievements. I am proud of myself for always trying to re-charge my own emotional battery when it is less than 10%, no matter how hard it seems. I decided to trust myself, trust my plans and trust my own instincts. I decided to take heart and have faith in myself. I decided to invest in and bet on myself. 

I gave myself time to work on myself because I am definitely not someone who can work without a plan in general. But I don't think that means coming up with an insane number of plans from A to Z. But I believe it is more of coming up with a realistic number of plans that I will definitely stick with in the long run. Not plans that are flimsy or are ever-changing based on my mood because that will just worsen my anxiety. However, this does not mean that the plans are rigid, there must definitely be a certain degree of flexibility. 

After that was done, fixing my mentality was next. I told myself and I am still telling myself that that was it. I just need to trust what I came up with because I know exactly what is best for myself and what I am capable of. This self-confidence might crumble on bad days, which is why on good days, it is important to strengthen the foundation, fix it and brace it. 

I need to focus on getting better than the previous versions of myself before I can do anything else. (Note: not about comparing yourself with other people, but with yourself)

The question for all of us currently is  "do we have what it takes?", but the question for the future us will definitely be "is the world ready for us?". And that is on positivity and confidence. 

Hope you find some comfort (motivation?) reading this and for sure, you ain't alone in the journey you are in. While you are all sad, moody and emotional, remember to look up and around. There are people looking out for you and there are people there for you. Don't be too blindsided by what you are experiencing to forget all the blessings and all the good things you have. 

Forever a work in progress,

Work hard, Stay Humble.

xoxo, Hui

When the world Sleeps

05/14/2020 06:13 p.m.

You see, the thing is the world never sleeps. When the night falls, I like to peer out of my window to look at the quiet night sky, imagining what someone else would be doing at the other side of the earth at the exact same moment. I imagine that someone to be a he or a she, an artist, an actor, a singer, a counsellor,  a lady boss, a soldier, a diver or an athlete... I imagine what would happen to me 5 years from now, a fresh graduate, just out of university. Where will I be? The exact, same place where I spent more than half of my life or somewhere out there? Will I be able to be the change I hope to see the world? Will I be able to take on the world, the way I want exactly? Will I be able to leave my mark? Will people be able to remember my name for the right reasons when I pass on?

Everyone has 86400 seconds every single day and when the time runs out, we cannot get it back anymore. We cannot buy it back, we cannot do anything to get it back. There is this movie I watched a long time ago, it is called About Time (2013), written and directed by Richard Curtis. What the main character, Tim Lake said near the end of the movie is this and I quote: "The truth is, I now don't travel back at all. Not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day to enjoy it as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life." He lived every day like it is his last.

Meanwhile, there is me. Stressing about all the things you can possibly stress in the world when I know for sure, that nothing, nothing will change even if I stress about it. Learning how not to stress about the things I cannot control is an art. There are 7.8 billion people in the world as of May 2020 and there are bound to be people who are better than you but the main point is to not compare. This quote rounds it up perfectly: "Don't compare your life to others. There's no comparison between the sun and the moon because they shine when it's their time." It is just not the time yet, what I can do is to work hard, stay humble and have an overwhelming amount of faith and belief in this process, in my process. When that happens, you are investing in yourself and in your future.

Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else's life is a minute spent wasting yours. ~ Aditya Bhavsar 

Be Confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren't. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything you are and everything you aren't that you will truly succeed in life. ~ Ritu Ghatourey

Do not compare yourself to others. You have a unique destiny and mission that only you can accomplish. ~ Mariane Pearl

As embarrassed as I am, I am guilty of spending an unhealthy amount of time, every once and then, comparing myself with the people around me. Circuit breaker makes everything worse because I am left with so much time to think negatively and so much time to insult the medals around my neck and the effort I put in everything because I am using others as my benchmark. But, that is not good. I know that deep down within me and that I know for sure. Fixing my mindset is important because I will end up impeding myself, and that is just pathetic. I am not going to put myself under duress to change, instead, I am going to take it easy. I will remind myself consistently until it is ingrained in me. It is a process and it is worth it because what comes out of all of this is my mental health.


Focus on yourself and nothing else because your mindset is precious and matters.

Always a work in progress,
xoxo, Hui

Truth

05/04/2020 02:11 p.m.

This circuit breaker has been testing my limits to a whole new level. It opened up raw and real emotions, which are things I really do not want to deal with currently. My emotions overwhelm me on new levels and sometimes, they are just too much for me to handle. Circuit breaker took away something so precious to me and probably to everyone out there in the world. The right to be free. The right to do whatever hell you want to do. And to a certain extent, the right to define your own truth.

For someone whose life is so intertwined with sports, this circuit breaker is really taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I miss the feeling of running around my neighborhood. Working from home can be a dream come true for many and for me, definitely to a certain extent. But the stress that comes from not only work but life, in general, is taking over me and thoughts are flooding into my mind like a broken dam. For me, running tucks all of that away. When you run or do sports in general, there is only one thing and only one thing in your head: to push on to run or to score. Your mind takes a break from everything you are dealing with at the moment. While I am exploring other ways for me to deal with stress, I will continue to try to stay afloat in this quicksand for now.

Undoubtedly, this is an issue only the privileged would have. Everyone is privileged to a certain extent but whether we recognize it is another story by itself. But, that should not mean that the issues we are facing are not validated. Everyone is dealing with their own problems and issues which I feel that it would be unfair to compare. The problems that you might be facing may seem trivial to some, but they are important to you and so be it. The obstacles that you face in life cannot and should not be judged by others because it is your own inner battle with your own inner demons. This, by itself, is extremely personal and close to your heart. By trivializing someone else's issues destroys the person more than you might think. If you think that by telling someone that there are people out there in the world who are having it worse than you is going to help, think again.

I am guilty of saying things like "what is so hard?" and or "I don't get why is he/she so affected by it". What I am really doing is defining the truth for them. The truth to me is that it is not that hard and he/she should definitely not be affected by it but that is my truth. Not theirs. I fail to remember that they are dealing with their own inner battles with their own inner demons.

So, I don't think I should have judged all the people who were affected by the bubble tea shops closing because to them, their love for bubble tea is probably equivalent to my love for sports. For all we know, there are those who seek comfort and solace from drinking bubble tea. There are those who use bubble tea to cope with their stress.

Always a work in progress.
xoxo, Hui