December 2023

12/27/23 10:21 p.m.

I ended another internship a few weeks ago and officially became their "friend", a name that ex-interns/colleagues of the company would take on. It is super cute. We visited the Senoko Waste-to-Energy Power Plant together and had a mini Christmas celebration afterwards. All of us each had ~2 slices of fruit cake and shared conversations over cups of warm red wine. I had a pretty intense conversation with one of our newest principal consultants, Joe and let's just say, I enjoyed every second of it. He was full of energy and such a great storyteller! I was pretty much captivated by his journey or his "story". I think we truly first bonded over the CFPP research piece I shared with the company. It was pretty much the first time we met each other for the first time, but it was so genuine and it made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside afterwards - a sign of a really good conversation and time spent connecting with different people. Sad that Corrado could not join us on such a joyous day and occasion. Honestly, after I left the company, I have been missing his jokes and funny remarks a little way too much (which could be a cause of concern, but I am a diehard fan of his humour, haha).

I met up with my good O' friend, Jom before he flew back to Thailand. I missed catching up with him and just talking about random topics. He is another one with a sick sense of humour. I do miss what and how life was like when I was in Thailand. I was all alone, which made it super easy for me to focus on my work, skills, and self-development. I am definitely looking at job opportunities in Bangkok, Thailand, and if I could get one there, I probably would take it on without hesitation. I initially thought that the salary would be something that would be of great concern, but given the experiences, I would be exposed to, I do think that this is something I can do while I am still young (when my parents are not at a concerning age yet). I literally have nothing to lose and have no financial obligations when I am young. I do not need to be accountable to anyone at all, I chart my own path and I do what I think would be best to develop myself and create the impact that I want to see in the world. 

Recently, I have been feeling like a combination of unintelligent and ignorant, or for the lack of a better word, dumb. So, I literally have been dedicating myself to specific topics to read and understand more about what they are all about. I refuse to deep dive into some terms that have been thrown around i.e., Article 6, because of how complex it would be if I were to look into the historical contexts and how it has been developing thus far etc. But, I suppose that there would not be a better time than right now for me to read through all the reports and to really understand what on EARTH is going on. And that's what I basically did for the past 3 weeks after I ended my internship. Amidst my meet-ups with some of my closest friends, I was just reading and condensing what I had learned into research decks for myself. I finished one for the ASEAN power grid and how it affects the RECs market (link) and I am actually working on Article 6 and probably biodiversity credits next. The more I read, the less dumb I feel I am getting, and most importantly, the more I am actually stretching my mind to rethink what I thought I knew and to also understand what the intentions of different stakeholders are i.e., what is at stake for them.

At the same time, I enrolled in a certification course to work on my fundamentals of investments. So, at least, I can not only make good financial decisions for myself but also understand the complexities behind sustainable finance and the intricate world of blended finance. Though it might not seem difficult to understand on the surface, I find it interesting how deals are made or how project financing structures could be firmed up and created. Well, I am not sure whether I will be able to have that chance to explore that in my next internship. But, I am definitely going to learn more on my own regardless. 

This month has been a month of awakening and learning. I figured out many things on a personal level, especially when it comes to standards, expectations, and my future. I realized that I am still very much a free soul, after 4 years. And no one can suppress that part of myself and I don't want to hide that part of me anymore for the sake of "looking put together". I am living this life for myself and I will live it on my own terms. And I know that it is a privilege that I have, which is even more important for me to maximize and do my best every step of the way.

I don't know how much my life will change after the first quarter of next year, but I am going to trust the process. I will only make decisions that are 101% aligned with myself - nothing more or less. So as always, I will take heart and will remind myself constantly to focus on what is at hand and do my best for whatever comes. As long as there is an impact that I can believe in, I will think that it would be sufficient for now.

Heart strong, Mind stronger!

Rookie for life,

Hui

October 2023

10/22/23 03:24 p.m.

 Am approaching the last week of October, and there are about 8 weeks left till the end of 2023. 

This semester is unofficially ending in the next 3 weeks. I can feel some stress and pressure building up yesterday night. The entire month started off with the school's recess week and well, let's just say that the recess week is not really a recess week. I was loaded with work and revisions, so I effectively spent most of my time either working or studying.

I am starting to realize how easy catching up with people could be. Not every catch-up needs to be a physical meet-up, it could just be a simple text message letting them know that I thought about them and that I hope that they are well. And we can give each other a quick breakdown of how our lives have been. Though it could be very much on the surface, I believe that it is the thought that counts. Not every catch-up needs to be as in-depth as hell (literally) and even if we have the time for that, we might not even have any emotional capacity for that. I managed to reconnect with some of my ex-colleagues, ex-schoolmates, and my dim sum dollies.

A while back, Sach came home and all of us met up. It is crazy to see how everyone has grown from the 17-year-old kids to our current 22-year-old selves. It has been 5 years and now we have much more clarity than before. We all kind of know what our path would look like at least in the next 2-3 years and it is super interesting how we all have our own "thing".

My catch-up with the dim sum dollies was hilarious. Our biggest similarity thus far is literally us collectively stressing about getting a full-time role (I mean now that we are all in our final year). But the best part is that we are all probably going to be in the space, just working and advancing different aspects of sustainability - some for sustainable finance, public policy, others in commercial sustainability. I can't wait for all of us to catch up on a quarterly or semiannual basis and just come together like fireworks. I feel stronger when I know that there are people as passionate as me and are also advancing the conversation through the work that they do. People like us feel a lot and so we need to know that we need to do better and do more. 

I have been consciously pacing myself and sending out job applications to different companies that are of interest to me. I would say that being excited to start working full-time is pretty much an understatement. I know what I am looking for. I am looking for a challenge, an opportunity to push the narrative further, and a platform to disrupt and take bold actions. So, I hope, that my first company that I will end up in, would be like that. Though I don't think that it is dreamy, in fact, I think I might have found the company already. But fingers crossed, I can only hope for the best and be patient with the results. Let me trust the process. 

After joining SYVB, I finally deep-dived into the entire world of credits (again) from carbon credits to biodiversity credits and also the entire regulation and governance structure behind it. To say the very least, there is so much more I don't know, but based on my current understanding, this market can really do so much better. We are currently finalising our working paper for biodiversity offsets for publication soon. 

Pressure in school has been building up, with essay submissions, project presentations, and final examinations coming up. Our days of just talking randomly on benches or at beaches progressively became more work/school-centric as we found ourselves in comfortable working environments and study spots instead (cafes/libraries/SMU). Regardless, we are spending our time with each other more intentionally and consciously. We are always a WIP at building a stronger base and foundation for our future. So I am thankful for the good times and the good times amidst the bad times. We are becoming more resilient and truly tougher when the going gets tougher. 

Well, I hope that I will have good news soon, but either way, I will have to keep my composure and take everything that comes in my own stride. When a door closes, another will open. 

Rookie for life,
Hui

September 2023

 09/25/23 12:57 a.m.

It has been a tiring month, to say the very least.

I was riddled with sickness and was in and out of clinics and hospitals for appointments and dental surgery. Though I became friends with the dental surgeons there, which made things so much better for me. The Hospital is really not where I want to spend much time in.

I was back in action with Football, playing as a left-back in this sunig. I think that this time round things felt very different for me. I was more attached to the team than other sunigs. Interestingly, I felt more personally involved with the lives of my teammates and am more active in initiating conversations and in wanting to get to know them better. I genuinely love this team a lot, but I know I am holding back my self-expression because, at the back of my mind, I know how short-lived everything would be. Soon, it will all be gone - the exchange kids are going to go back to their home country, the seniors will go on to graduate, and the sophomores will go for their exchange programmes. Leaving everything and nothing behind. Perhaps, this is the reality that I hated and will regardless, come. Beyond that, the pressure was really mounting, probably because I felt that I owed more to this team. I needed to do better and play better. The inner demons and voices dominated my headspace pretty easily and I could feel myself becoming mentally weaker (as compared to before when I was 18/19). Thankfully, CW and my football pals were there for me throughout. Felt really cared for by this bunch of people. I am truly grateful.

Work has been catching up with me this month, with highly volatile peaks and troughs. Managing work with internal deadlines and academics proved to be challenging at the beginning but got much better now that I am already 6 weeks into my semester. The diversity of the work that I have been getting was challenging to a certain extent, but I would say that it is a combination of both limited time and tedious tasks that added more complexities to the end deliverables. I managed to build trust-based relationships with my colleagues as time went by. With that came an increased scope of responsibility.

I have been spending much time in the morning reading news on Reuters and CNBC to catch myself abreast of movements in the financial markets, geopolitical scene, economies, and sustainability trends and highlights. This habit that I have been trying to build since a while ago seems to have finally stuck with me. I love how interesting the world is sometimes. People are funny and markets are complex. Unravelling different concepts or theories that interplay with each other to cause a certain phenomenon is so interesting to me. And I am glad that every single day is different.

Mid-terms are coming in hard and strong. And I have been applying for graduate programmes ahead. Many things are in the pipeline right now and I am really just taking things as it goes on top of having fixed objectives and targets for the week and month. It is still a win for me this month because of how well I managed my time and balanced all of my commitments. I deliver what I promise and I try my best in all of them. Just a reminder perhaps, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Rookie for life,

Hui

August 2023

 08/07/23 07:03 p.m.

I just ended my internship with SE (#lifeison) and am now embarking on a new one. Rather excited as to what will come because I will be doing drastically different things, seeing sustainability from a totally different perspective. I really want to see whether I can apply what I have learned from Prof Donovan on client management and relationship building.

A friend of mine told me that I would find ways to keep myself occupied if I ever felt bored. True enough, I did manage to keep myself at least enriched for the past week since my time in SE ended. I managed to consistently read and catch up on current affairs, largely through WSJ. I ended up learning about so many different things, which expanded my mind (like... I will definitely not end up at topics of remittances and exchange rates, not to mention federal tax breaks, or even commodities and inflation). 

Regardless, I do kind of like what I am doing right now. Once I see something I do not know or understand, I will search for it right after. But perhaps, something that I am still consciously reminding myself of is to stay focused on finishing reading a tab before skipping to another tab (essentially to not dig deeper into the rabbit's hole without clearing up the mess along the way). The more tabs I open, the more overwhelming I tend to become.

Just when I was starting to get used to not having any work-related commitments, a new opportunity came along and I just went ahead with it, without much hesitation. Back then, I just wanted to fill up my available time blocks with meaningful work. My friend is probably right that I do have it in me to keep myself occupied with other things, that do not need to be "work". However, I do foresee myself facing an impending crisis of "what impact am I even creating" if I am not in the corporate sustainability space...

Well, I suppose it is still a good thing that I am embarking on this journey.

Time check: 10:01 p.m.

Just about 2 hours + back, the team received an email to congratulate us for reaching the final round of a case competition. Initially, I thought that we would not make it because it was already after working hours, haha... but I guess with a spin of luck and honestly the hard work of everyone, I am glad we were given the chance to present our insights and what it will mean to our client. I managed to quickly do up the deck and the storyline that we might want to adopt for the presentation. We have only 3 days effectively to finish up the deck & prepare for the presentation this coming Saturday.

My final year at SMU will be starting soon (in a week as well). Based on my current commitments, I would probably stick to my current schedule and not add on any other classes. I have 3 examinations at the end of the semester and I hope that I will be able to maintain my GPA for my last year. I am sure my family will be proud of me if I were to graduate with a summa.

I am back with SMU Football and to say the least, I think I have been enjoying the thrill of the game and am falling in love with the sport all over again. Training has been really fun (of course, tiring too). I haven't had such a good coach for quite some time. This coach hits differently, I think he cares. Reminds me of my VJ coach and Mr. Tan too. I have been missing VJ quite a lot these few days... (when I have time, I like to think and reminisce)

Time check: 10:24 p.m.

I hope that August will be good for me. Nowadays, I try to live week by week, so I get to reflect upon the week and then adjust as I go along. CW does this with me too. We said that we would reflect together every Sunday if the circumstances allow. Otherwise, I am sure I would have time to reflect and journal on Saturdays when I am in the library, with my sister. 

Let the rest of 2023 be full of intentionality, learning lessons (mind expansion), and technical skills development!

Rookie for life (as always),

Hui

About Time

07/07/23 07:03 p.m.

It was as though everything would work out at the end of the day. Everything, with the twists and turns, would end up being in my favour. Devina reminded me of the importance of having good intentions. "No matter what, with good intentions, the world would reward you. Remember to stay hopeful and believe in yourself."

Every time I run around the school nearby, I will run past the roadside trees. I wonder to myself how can I fix the situation and minimize our company's impact on forestry. I suppose you heard me, and you tried to help me. Through the countless obstacles that I faced, I always thought they were thrown at me by problematic people and people who are trying to make things difficult. After reading the book 'Mindset' by Dr Carol S. Dweck and 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie, I started shifting from "Why do I need to solve this" to "What can I learn from this problem". This shift was important, only because it marked my change from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. And that probably changed many things for me. Project implementation picked up speed and we seized the moment the golden opportunity came knocking on our door. Furthermore, our alternative proposal might be a more refined and sustainable option than our previous iterations. 

The week before I left for BKK, I was super busy, averaging 5 meetings per day. There was a lot that needs to be done for different projects and tasks ranging from regional to local. After BKK, I manage to pick up 60% of my speed after 2 days of disorientation and restlessness. A lot of progress was made yesterday when I was on-site and I was really glad that everything seems to be moving forward & is unstuck. 

I have only 3 weeks left and I really hope that I complete the final sprint in the most impactful way. All of them questioned the sustainability of my projects - fair enough, they did not want me to waste my effort and time on things like these. My response to them is always the same. I will always be responsible for my projects, no matter where I am. So, to ensure that my projects would be the most successful:

1. I will need to make sure the company has committed just enough to not revert to old practices.
2. I will need to provide a proper handover to my colleagues.
3. I will need to ensure proper documentation is saved in my SharePoint that is open and accessible to everyone relevant.

If I did all of these, I will leave my internship programme with no regrets and with the confidence that I have done what I promised and committed to do. This is what justice would look like for me. 

Today, I made a really tough decision. I suppose I really considered my constraints well and decided to do what was right based on the contractual terms that I agreed upon and chose to comply with back then. I need to stick with what I need to do at the end of the day. But it still hurts. I hope I will not need to go through this anymore or put myself in such a situation.

I will have to end my internship with a beautiful bang (with fireworks). And there are so many things coming up this month and I will have 2 weeks to rest before school starts. I will do my best as always and this time round, I want to be as focused as I can ever be while trying to balance school with sports and external projects.

Rookie for life,

Hui

Reality said Hello

09/04/23 12:24 p.m.

Do not lose yourself. My prof reminded us that on the last lesson of the semester. 

I realised how apt this was. I have been trying to determine what was wrong with me for the past 3 - 4 months. Now it is easy to say that I have lost myself. I lost sight of myself inside out, completely and devastatingly. I forgot what I was doing this for. I forgot who am I doing this for. I forgot why I am doing this, altogether. 

It was a sad, slopping, but tight slap in the face. If anything, it was also a good wake-up call. I needed to remind myself who I am. And so, this is me actively doing it. This is who I am:

I am Hui Ling, 22 this year. Passionate about the world - our environment, including the land we are standing on, the ocean which seems ever so boundless, and the air - the very thing that keeps us all alive. I want to be a protector of Earth for the longevity of everything and anything that lives on it. To do that, I want to utilise the skills that I possess, that I have been honing to value-add to companies to help them to rethink and to integrate sustainability within their businesses. As I progress in my career, I want to explore different solutions that companies can invest in to help accelerate the growth of sustainable businesses and businesses that help us sustain. As I grow older, I want to be able to invest in solutions (i.e., technologies) that I believe in so that I can help to propel its growth. I will always take pride in the work that I am doing because they very much represent me as a person - my purpose, my beliefs, and my hopes & dreams. Beyond my work, I am a daughter, a sister, a partner, and a friend to many. And they are important stakeholders in my life as well.

And this is very much, me. 

Trust that I will come back to this whenever I waver because I trust that it would be more common than I think it will be. So now, Hui, all the decisions that you will make need to be aligned with who you are as a person. Nothing more and nothing less. Do this for yourself, for the people around you, and for what you stand for.

Do not lose yourself.

Hui

February's Revelations

09/04/23 12:04 p.m.

I felt stuck in the position that I was in. And despite not being motivated to do the things I was supposed to do, I was still trudging on day by day. Indeed, my hope (purpose) and my people kept me through this process. Hope from the realization that what I do matters to the people around me and to the company I was in. They understood where I was coming from and they wanted it to be accelerated at a faster pace than it is right now. There are a few projects that would be considered flagship projects for THA. And I am excited to kickstart those with the team. The people I am working with within the warehouse are receptive, open, and as enthusiastic as myself regarding sustainability. I attribute it to the alignment that such projects could bring benefits to not only the environment but also to them and their work. With the successful implementation of the first circularity project pilot, I am in the process of starting up a second one - hopefully within the next 2 weeks. I will have the first kick-off meeting next week and then we will start the pilot programme after communications with the different internal stakeholders. In parallel, I will have to liaise with our vendor for the financial payment process, at least for the pilot programme before I continue with the onboarding process as both a customer and a vendor for us. I do have to close up some gaps with our previous vendors and study the contract we have with them. The last thing for this month is the pilot programme of another project looking into the switching of materials from plastic to paper; if this is quick, I will bring Stella into the picture to switch out other materials - so that we can reach our target of 35% virgin plastics, almost immediately - at least within the next month. 

At the end of the day, you must trust yourself and get through things yourself. There is no point trusting your teammates when they have proven & have fallen below their expectations again and again. It is upsetting but if you are the team lead, you have to keep going on because if you don't, you are pretty much screwed for the project segment. I will try to score well on my essay (not purely for the grade but because I love writing about sustainability).  

Weekends have been a short getaway for me so that I can get through the following week. It has become extremely tiring to not be doing anything at all or to just focus on taking a break for my headspace. I thought that as long as I love the work that I am doing, I will not require a break per se to get me through the week. But, I suppose what drained me out was never the work, it is the people whom I am working with. This realization was more painful to the ears and more striking. Behind every natural disaster is a man-made disaster, unfortunately. 

Vietnam's trip was a fresh breath of air. Even though it was a tiring trip, having to rush some work on bus rides or late into the night, all while dealing with relationships and critical stakeholders, it was still a trip to remember for a lifetime. The relationships I had managed to build and the interactions I have had with the locals on the ground have been nothing short of meaningful. I was reminded of life's simplicities and how important it is to give oneself time to recharge and rejuvenate. 

February was just a whirlpool. Came and go with nothing much left to think about.

Hui

Mid-Month Depression

12/01/23 00:16 a.m.

It has been about 1 month since I made my way back from Malaysia. It felt like aeons though. There are a lot of moving parts right now in my life and I am trying to move slowly, but surely. Unfortunately, it is clearly not working, given the pace that I am forcing myself to go on. But, I am in a state in which, I cannot go slow anymore. It is a "go big or go home" situation now and of course, I don't want to go home. If I do, everything I have been planning and learning for would all be futile. The things that are probably keeping me sane are probably the impact that I can create and the learnings that I am getting along the way - and they don't come all at once, they all come in bits and pieces. It is on me to fix all the bits and pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle. Work has been a mixture of both fast and slow paces - fast because of the impending decarbonization projects, internal audits, and multiple environmental KPIs to hit, but slow because of the holidays at the end of 2022 and the start of 2023 (with CNY around the corner as well). Expectations are high and I am feeling the pressure from my managers too. I cannot ruin what I have here so I feel that the only way is to succeed because if I were to succeed, my core and only stakeholder would be on the winning side too. With lesser new pallets, more reusing of consumables, and more sustainable and green procurement mean we are decreasing the indirect demand for timber and plywood. With greater awareness comes more conscious actions that would trickle down like a ripple effect. With lesser energy consumed means we are generating lesser emissions daily, monthly, and yearly. Cheers to you, Mother Nature. I will try my best. One day, I will travel around by foot, on foot, to explore the far lands and borderless seas, and I hope to connect my soul and spirit with yours and to feel you, breathe you, and have my heart beating as one with you.

School has started again this week. It always feels good to be back in school for the semester. The feeling strengthened especially so after my first class, which is a smu-x module. We will be looking into the emerging sustainable health supplements industry (i.e., sustainable fishery, aquaculture). Going back to school is a good way for me to take my mind off work and focus on other learning more about other things such as design thinking. I hope to be able to give classes my fullest attention and to really make full use of all of my classes. I hope to be able to take the chance to learn how to change the industry step by step beyond what I already know. I have explored packaging, processes, and waste management, and I am currently exploring energy management, biodiversity, ISO certifications, environmental risk assessments, and audits. Sometimes, it is easy to get sucked into knowing and learning all of these within the bubble, but the best is if I know things outside of the bubble too, so that it will be easier to create synergies and to think creatively & outside of the box. I realize I keep falling into the same pattern of sticking to past practices, perhaps indeed the contexts are similar, but I ought to challenge myself more to do things more efficiently and better than before. Having experience means doing things better, but not just replicating history.

I wanted to do this reflection for the past few days, or the past week or so, but I have never gotten myself to do it, for reasons that I am unsure of too. 

I have been researching on and/or wanting to deep dive into the following:

1. used cooking oils and biofuels (B20) in the context of Singapore - how we can better this system countrywide
2. the usage of microalgae to replace salmon aquaculture for the manufacturing of omega-3 fish oil - sustainable marketing of this B2B2C product
3. how sustainability in the sports industry in China looks like - buy/sell side
4. wave energy converters (WECs) for the shipping industry - reduce emissions by reducing reliance on ship's engine at idle state

I hope I will make leaps and bounds in my understanding of the above industries this month. The world keeps going round and round, and I need to keep moving and learning as well. So that I have what it takes to challenge the norms and challenge the people with solid facts and evidence. 

Just keep learning and keep doing. Fair. If I am managing a project, I might as well ensure I become damn good at project management. Or if I am running a financial analysis on a project, I might as well learn the intricacies of it to ensure that I become damn good at modelling such sustainability-related projects. It is a mindset, I suppose.

Don't stop learning, Hui! Heart strong, mind stronger.

Rookie for life,

Hui